A car almost hit me in a pedestrian crosswalk today. I was wearing a light blue t-shirt and khaki pants. 

What the fuck is this Seattle Times story about?

“Fashion hazard? Pedestrians dressed in black among Seattle’s roadway pet peeves”

Literally, it’s all about how drivers, and Uber drivers, and bikers are nervous about hitting pedestrians because too many pedestrians wear black clothing!

The subtext (barely) is that pedestrians are to blame for getting hit!

But beyond that: the article doesn’t have any data about drivers hitting pedestrians…nor does it have any stats about drivers hitting pedestrians dressed in black, specifically (not even one example). Nor does it have any data comparing how many pedestrians in black get hit versus how many colorfully clad pedestrians get hit.

Perhaps shoddiest of all: It doesn’t have any numbers to suggest that wearing black is even a trend in Seattle in the first place.

I can only guess that this bizarre article is a fit of editorial hysteria about Seattle’s change from a small city into a big city where people no longer wear authentic Seattle clothing like flannel; instead we’ve turned into haughty Vampire People dressed in black.

In honor of this inelegant dose of Seattle Times of provincialism, here’s 1965’s greatest hipsters, the Shangri-Las, singing their hit “Dressed in Black.”

“They said he was much to wild for me
They said I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.”